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Communication

Responding with Curiosity: A Compassionate Alternative

This week, I lost my temper at work.

Worse yet, I shouted at my direct report in front of other team members.

She was given a task - to familiarize herself with a few key formulas, such as the well-known "=importrange".

However, during my review, I discovered she hadn't followed my directives. In fact, she didn't even understand the purpose of "=importrange" when I asked!

Naturally, my temper flared and regret washed over me later. After taking the time to apologize for my outburst, I found myself reflecting on how I could've better managed that situation.

I then remembered the concept of “responding with curiosity” (something skilled negotiators use all the time in the world of business and police work).

Responding with curiosity

  • This powerful approach encourages one to shift their focus from personal emotions ("How could you disregard my instructions?") to understanding the other person's perspective ("Why would someone as diligent as her overlook this? Let's delve deeper.")

Had I asked a few more questions like,

"I'm a bit disppointed, but was there a specific reason you didn't look into these formulas?”

I might have realized Jennifer (not her real name) had prioritized other pressing projects I assigned her, or perhaps she was dealing with personal issues at home.

Although I can't guarantee I'll never lose my temper again, I've made a mental commitment:

  • The next time something similar happens, no matter how annoyed I am, I will first explore the situation further by asking at least one follow-up question before hastily passing judgment

Curious to hear whether you’ve all been through this at work (and whether you’re on the giving or receiving end).

I have a question 🙋🏻

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